Help dealing with the anger - hit by car
I was hit by a 17 year old driver who did not wait for me to finish crossing the street in a quiet neighborhood, on a clear day with no other cars around. The driver clipped me and ran me over resulting in a compound fracture of my left tib and fib. My recovery is going well – I can walk now and am returning back to normal life. All things considered I am very lucky. And grateful. But these positive feelings are now being replaced by so much anger and I feel there is no justice and my accident was in vain. Please let me explain. The driver was a minor. She was ticketed for no insurance, no car title and failing to yield for a pedestrian. In traffic court, the judge through out the title ticket and the insurance ticket. On the insurance, she showed an insurance ID card that had the vehicle and her mom on the policy, but not her. The court tried calling the insurance company to verify it and couldn’t get in touch (some after-market insurance). The father of the driver said he’d never let his daughter drive without insurance and the judge said OK and tossed that ticket. The not yielding to a pedestrian? She got a $100 fine and 4 months of supervision. OK, I was angry, but told myself it was an accident, she’s young, she did stop and get of the car and I just need to let it go. I wasn’t really mad at her, I was mad at the situation. So. Turns out she is an excluded driver on the policy. So I have to go through my insurance to file a claim. That made me mad, the lying made me mad. The judge made me mad. But I told myself, it was a genuine accident, she’s 17, things happen and I am going to be OK. It couldn’t been worse. I went to look up my case number on Cook County’s website using the girl’s driver’s license and it turns out she got 3 almost identical tickets the MONTH BEFORE. No insurance, no license and not stopping at a stop sign. The tickets were thrown out, she kept her license (I assume she just didn’t have it on her) and the next month she did it again except that she hit someone – me. Now I feel the accident was less innocent. That this girl is a negligent and reckless driver. Since I know where they live and I’ve seen the family, I am making an assumption that there is no money to be gained from her or her parents. And from the money standpoint, I wasn’t looking to get rich, but some help – for example I have to drive to work now instead of taking the bus and I think asking for to cover parking is reasonable. I’m just frustrated. As far as I know this person is still on the road. My leg is fully scarred in multiple places. I can’t run or jog and I have 2 kids under 4 years old who I struggle to play with physically. My daughter cried when she saw me on crutches. I cried. My fibula is still broken (healing on its own) and I feel pain every day. I’m tired of being angry. I want to know how others have coped with feeling angry. The other day I was driving and slowed down for pedestrians and just had this rage in me where I slowed down for someone and she couldn’t wait for me to cross the street. I started impulsively hitting my steering wheel and just screaming. Then quickly calming down and saying its OK. But that wasn’t – the reaction I had was not OK. It’s not me. My best approach so far is to overcompensate with kindness to others. I’ve always been kind and nice but it’s overkill – I’m saying thank you to anyone who gives me even the slightest nice gesture. I’m complimenting and collaborating with people at work I usually avoid. But it’s not enough. I’ve reached out to my therapist from college and we are going to meet soon. I was the paraplegic triathlon for empathy and to learn from their strengths. I’ve been watching the Redemption project where victims meet with their perpetrator and essentially forgive them. If the father on that show forgave the man who who his daughter, surely I can forgive this whole situation and move on, right? Perhaps because this happened just 7 week ago it’s harder to let go. I just want to stop being angry. I want to feel and think positive. I would love to hear/read how others have dealt with coming to terms that an outside force impacted their lives forever and you just need to accept it. Thank you for taking the time to read this! Sincerely, Vee
