You are strong!! You are loved!! You are blessed!!
On April 25, 2018 I was driving to work at the UTSA Police Department around 0745 when two middle aged men decided it would be a good idea to race. They ran a red light and I struck one of their vehicles as I was passing through my green light. Both our vehicles subsequently crashed into other vehicles ending in a 4 car major accident that was called in as a fatality. One of the drivers managed to escape unharmed and evaded the scene. Luckily it was rush hour and there were tons of witnesses so the cops eventually located the other driver. I was rushed to the hospital and was in ICU for 3.5 weeks before I was able to go home. I suffered severe injuries to my left arm which was basically demolished. The doctor was called to the ER for an amputation, but by the grace of God, he was able to save it!! I have since have fifteen surgeries and still have at least one more to go. The major surgeries include vascular work, bone graft from my hip, muscle graft from my back, tendon graft from my finger and next my ankle, and skin graft from my thigh. All the graft sites had to heal also so I have scars all over my body and it was so hard to keep going into surgery knowing things were going to get worse, but I knew I had to so I could get better in the long run. It was like a never ending cycle of healing, pain, and recovery. Through it all, my family has been here cheering me on and taking care of me. I needed so much care after my surgeries and they never hesitated once. I honestly don’t think I would have made it through this without them and all my friends, and coworkers. The reason I smile and can be happy today is because of them and their support. I try every day to be strong, happy, and optimistic and everyone at work and in my life has said it is amazing how good of an attitude I always have and that I always have a smile on my face, but I only wish that were true. I do put on a good front and there are days were I do feel happy, but I also have moments of intense sadness, pity, and anger for my situation. There have been countless times when I am alone and have tears just start pouring down my face and I literally can’t control myself. I question so many things. Why did this have to happen to me? What did I do to deserve this? Why does my family have to go through all this pain with me? Why hasn’t anything happened to these guys who did this to me? Do they even care? Will things ever get better? So many thoughts race through my mind and it is overwhelming. I feel like no one understands. How could they? Everyone has empathy and they feel sorry but that won’t take my pain away. When I get this way, I acknowledge my feelings, but I start to think of all the positives despite the negatives. I am alive!! I have my mind and I am able to still do many things. I have a wonderful family and support group. I can still lead a good life. I pep talk to myself and get out of my funk which inevitable eventually comes back but I hope that over time this will happen less. I am currently going to counseling which has been helping and I know that connecting with people in this program will be a game-changer for the better. I am so grateful that a social worker came to the hospital recently at one of my last appointments and explained this program to me. I had no idea that anything like this existed. I am looking forward to connecting with other trauma survivors and continuing to heal. I am so excited to get to meet others that have been in similar situations and I am looking forward to becoming a volunteer and helping others also. To anyone else out there who feels hopeless or like they will not be able to get through it, please believe you are stronger than you think!! I used to always hear stories and think oh my goodness I could never be that strong, I would never survive something like that I can’t even get a shot at the doctor’s office without literally making a huge scene and crying like a baby. I still wonder today how I made it. While I credit it to my supporters I also know that I was strong enough to push through and I did it and I amaze myself. I actually did it! I still have a huge mountain to climb but I’ve made it this far so there’s no looking back now! I have to stay strong for myself and my loved ones and I know that it will not be easy but I can and will do it and you can too!! I’ve learned that taking things one day at a time and positive thinking goes a long way. I still struggle with being patient and losing my independence. I still get weak, but I think that is normal. We all need our moments to let ourselves go and release our negative feelings, but just remember to always stand back up on your feet and smile because you are alive!! What I’m struggling most with right now is the anger. I am so angry that these guys had no respect for my life and the others that were injured that day. They could’ve killed me and many others! I am also so angry at the justice system and the laws which seem to protect the guilty and not the victims. I am a pretty controlling person and I struggle with the fact that I have no control over this situation. As hard as I keep trying, no one seems to want to listen. If I hear another attorney say they are sorry, but they can’t help, I feel like I’m going to have a panic attack. If you are truly sorry, why don’t you help? I feel that all they care about is money and doing the least work possible for it. Also, the criminal case is moving at a snail’s pace and at the end of the day it’s the state’s case not mine so they are able to make whatever decision they please. How is that right if I’m the victim? Shouldn’t I get to decide if I want to offer them a plea deal or not? How is the justice system this bad? On top of trying to heal, doing my occupational therapy, preparing mentally for an upcoming surgery, and trying to work every day with limitations, I also am trying to fight my legal battle and find someone to help me. It is all just so difficult, but I have to remember how far I’ve come and everything I’ve already survived. I tell myself to keep pushing. You can do this. You are strong!! You are loved!! You are blessed!! In case anyone would like to know or has possibly been in a similar situation trying to get justice I have tried to explain my struggle below. My legal troubles: Right after the accident, while I was still in the hospital, I hired an attorney who represented me for almost a year. He told me I basically have two options: Take the insurance money which was $80,000 total from both parties Sue them individually in court. He explained that it is either one or the other though and if I accept the insurance then I have to sign a waiver that they are basically free and clear and I won’t go after them anymore. The problem with going to court though is even though I was clearly the victim and the judge will likely rule in my favor with a substantial judgement, there is no way to enforce that judgment with the current laws. All they would have to do is file for bankruptcy and then there are no assets to give me and since the attorneys work off contingency fees hence no money for them. So although my attorney at the time promised to force them into bankruptcy and fight for me to get justice while I was in the hospital, once he learned that I do not want to settle with the insurance companies and I want to take them to court and sue them personally for what they did to me, he continued to try and change my mind and when he realized I wasn’t changing my mind, he sent me a letter dropping me as his client because he did not want to spend any money preparing for court when he wasn’t promised anything in return. Now, I did not make this decision for money because money will not solve my problems. I did it so that I could get some sort of justice. To me, making them go to court and have to file for bankruptcy is at least something negative that they will have to suffer through. I wasn’t about to just have the insurance pay out and let them get off free and clear. I would rather have my day in court and have that “worthless” piece of paper from the judge that they are guilty and negligent and should pay me x amount of money for what they did. Even if they end up filing bankruptcy and not paying me a dime, it would mean more to me than any amount of money ever will. In the meantime, I was working on trying to get another attorney and they all were telling me the same thing – I should just take the insurance money, it’s not worth going to court, if they file for bankruptcy then all I’ll get is a piece of paper from the judge, etc. Months passed and I had called nearly 50 attorneys with no luck. I did learn however that if I decided to take my case to court and if I won, then even if the guys filed for bankruptcy the insurance would still have to pay out their portion. This is something my old attorney never told me. I finally got someone who agreed to look over all my files and I was so happy; however it was very short lived. After looking into all my paperwork from my old attorney that I gave him, he called me into his office and let me know that in the meantime of me not having an attorney, the insurance companies along with the other injured parties had a mediation that I was never notified of and they paid out all the insurance funds. I was devastated. How could no one have notified me of this? Why wasn’t I part of the mediation especially since I was the worst one injured? There were some other people in the cars that had from my knowledge seatbelt burns and airbag burns. I was happy for them that they got their money that they deserved, but I still feel that I was entitled to my half of the money. This attorney that was looking into my case told me that he would look into it and as long as long as I agreed to pay him out of the insurance funds once I won, he would more than likely take my case but now that isn’t even an option anymore. He again repeated what I had heard so many times before; I’m sorry but there is just no money in your case and I will not be able to assist. I have 3 more months before the statute of limitations runs out and I desperately want someone to help and I do not want to give up but I am beginning to feel like it is all a waste of time. I should have people coming to me asking to represent me, not the other way around. This experience has really opened my eyes into the justice system and I am on a mission to try and change the laws regarding this in hopes that soon no one else will have to struggle once they have already gone through such a tragic event. I struggle daily trying to keep up the fight. I have moments of strong motivation followed by overwhelming feelings of rage and hopelessness. Thank you so much for reading and I hope this will help at least one person. Please know that I am here if you want to talk, vent, or ask questions. Always remember: You are strong!! You are loved!! You are blessed!!
