Dog Attack with Trauma Injuries to Head and Face
Hello. My mother named me Sunshine and I am a new trauma patient. This is my story. It’s been only 4 weeks since I was attacked by a dog, on the the morning following my 46th birthday. I did not see it coming. In fact, I was actually crouched down in the driveway and I had just finished saying a prayer. I had asked God for His strength, and His direction, and for His guidance. Then I looked up at the trees and the light shining through them, enjoying the beauty of His creation. But in those moments I also had a very strange feeling, as if I was waiting for something to come to my mind, and as if everything was moving very very slowly. The next thing I experienced was pain and pressure just under my eye, and at the same time, all the lights went out. Immediately, I went into survival mode. I turned my face away from that direction and bent my head down using my arms to protect my face. The next thing that happened felt like, well what came to my mind at that time was something like a squirrel nesting and circling around on my head. I quickly rose to my feet from my vulnerable position regaining my eyesight while doing so. I found myself looking down at the concrete driveway. At this point, I had absolutely no idea what had happened to me. I did however have the distinct feeling that I needed to get out of there. I began slowly stepping to my my truck which was only several strides away. That’s when I looked up and saw the dog. He was just standing by the house looking at me, and I that’s when I realized he must have attacked me. I felt injured enough that I assumed I needed to dial 911 right away. However, I was completely unable to assess what injuries I might have. This was probably because I was severely injured and my cognitive skills were hampered. While opening my truck door to get inside, I looked at myself in the big side mirror to see if I could confirm that I did indeed need medical attention. I felt no pain at that time, but I absolutely felt severely impaired. It was a horrific image that I’ll never be able to shake. I did not see myself, only skeletal bones with blood and ripped tissue. And more blood. He’d ripped off half of my face, on both sides. On my third call to 911, I told the operator I was going to bleed out to death before they could get an ambulance to me. At this time I did not know that all but two inches of my entire scalp had been cut, all the way around my head in a huge circle, all the way down to the skull throughout. My pre-op photos show my skull with no scalp on it. This time they dispatched a different ambulance to me, from the fire station just down my street. The very young EMT who got in the back with me reached out to touch me but his arms began shaking heavily and he pulled them back. I looked at his face and could see his expression showed he was visibly shaken by my appearance. I asked him his name. I told him to please ignore my face because I was bleeding profusely from the back of my head and to please apply pressure so his driver could get me to the trauma center before I went into shock from blood loss. I still did not know the full extent of my injuries at this time. He did so, but he called for the driver to pull over about halfway because I was loosing too much blood. They administered a special clotting agent. I did feel more stabilized after this, and I asked the EMT “Am I going to live?”. He replied “Yeah, I think so,” in a genuine tone. I allowed myself to relax a bit for the first time. Within half an hour, I was intubated and spent five hrs in surgery. I am grateful for my life. I am grateful for the medical help I received. But this is not the same life as before. This is not the same me as before. Everyday it feels like I wake up in a nightmare. Also, I am terrified and edgy all of the time. Even driving scares me and I always loved to drive. I sleep with my firearm in the bed now instead of in the nightstand. I live alone. The hospital sewed me back together as best they could. I chose to stay at a hotel for over two weeks before returning home to the scene of the attack. I still become startled from having physical reactions to flashbacks of the attack. I fight not to see that image every time I look in the mirror. And the real image that I do see is very hard to deal with. So are the night terrors. I have problems the doctors can’t offer any explanation for. If I become too tired or stressed or weak, I feel like I’m shaking real hard and fast all on the inside, like one might feel during a seizure. My thought process and response time has slowed way down. I lost both of my parents to cancer in the past 2 years and have little family and therefore, little support. I give heartfelt acknowledgement and thanks to those who have supported me, but 99% of the time I am left to myself. I feel overwhelmed by this horrible thing that has happened to me. I feel overwhelmed by my appearance, by the physical pain, by the financial strain, by the loneliness, by the fear. I was provided no referrals for mental health support, or home health care. I was not provided with educational materials about the physical or the emotional recovery process. Every day I just try to take baby steps and push forward, but it’s so very hard and painful. So much has changed and I don’t know what to expect in terms of my recovery, my life, my dreams, my existence. There are times when I find myself wondering why I fought so hard to stay alive. Yet, I did and here I am. And I am reaching out for help in understanding how I move forward from here.
