My auto accident story: Physically fine, emotionally wrecked
Hi, my name is John and this is my story. On a mountain pass in February 2003 two teenage girls lost control in their compact truck. They crossed the centerline of the highway and I hit them almost directly in the driver’s door in my full size pickup. The impact was devistating, I realized this as soon as I ran across the highway to check on them. I was in shock and didn’t know what to do. I called 911 and got a busy signal. This was a crushing blow. I shattered to pieces at that point. The girl driving died in front of my eyes. I never felt so alone, helpless and inadequate. For months I cried every day. I was profoundly sad from the time I got up in the morning until I went to bed, and more or less every moment in between. I was hopeless believing things would never get better. I lived alone and didn’t have any meaningful support system. I had relocated to the west coast a few years prior and had no family in the area. Seeking professional help didn’t occur to me for months. Finally, a coworker that could tell I was struggling suggested I contact our employee assistance program and I did. Twenty years have passed and I still think about the accident every day. Therapy, most recently EMDR, has helped make the memories become less disturbing. Still, I’ve never been the same. There is an ever present sense that I couldn’t survive something like this again. The deceased girl’s mother and I have been in touch for the last ten years or so. Her family has never blamed me for the accident. They have actually been very supportive. She says she would like to meet me. I told her I would like to meet her too. I couldn’t possibly deny the request if that’s what she wants. We’ll see how that goes when and if it happens. I’m anxious about the prospect but committed to doing it. Hopefully it will be healing for both of us.
