Fathers Day 2009
Hi, my name is Stephanie, and this past Fathers Day was the most traumatic in my life. On the Monday before Father’s Day my husband and I dropped our kids, ages 12 and 7, off at a sleepaway camp. We expected to spend the next 3 1/2 weeks as “newlyweds” just kicking back and enjoying. Everything was going as planned until that Sunday morning. My husband woke me up at 6:30 or so in the morning to let me know he was going out to ride our tractor and cut the grass in our pasture. The next thing I knew, I heard this funny noise and thought there was an animal in the house. It turned out, that the “animal” was my husband who had fallen off the tractor, and had walked back to our house from the field on what was left of his feet after having had them run over by the blades of the tractor’s bushhog. He had made it to the back stairs of our house, and when I opened the door to investigate, there he was, lying on the steps. He said, “Stephanie, I’ve been very badly hurt, call 911.” I could see that something terrible had happened. He asked me not to look, and to get him a towel to cover his legs. Even then, when he was in such danger his first thought was to protect me from seeing the horrible open wound where his right foot used to be. I cannot tell you how horrible this experience was. It took about 20 minutes for the ambulance to get to us where we live in the country, and the whole time I was sure I would have to call the children at camp to let them know that their father had died. One of the worst parts was not knowing what to do as he lay there cold and clammy, losing blood. In the end we were airlifted to Duke University where they were able to save my husband’s feet, He is now in a wheelchair, and we are at the beginning of what will be a long road to recovery.
When I joined the trauma network I registered as a family member, but have never really felt right about that. The truth is, having been with my husband every step of the way and on that day, and having seen what I saw, I feel very much like a survivor. The feeling of deep trauma and the pictures forever seared on my brain of my husband on that day, reaching out to me from the back stairs, and the thought of “what would have happened had I not woken up in time” I think that he and I together have survived this. I am forever changed, as he is, by that day.
In the weeks since then I find myself looking for others to talk to who have had similar experiences. When people ask me how I am, I feel that I can either yell out the truth, “I am having a really tough time, my wonderful husband’s feet were cut by the sharp blades of a tractor and he is in a wheelchair, and we are not sure if he will ever walk properly again,” or I can be socially acceptable and say “fine, everything’s great, and how are you?” I am hoping that some of you out there will respond to my story and help me through this. I feel that this experience has set me apart, and I feel terribly alone.
Thank you for your responses and support.
