I feel guilty after reading every one else's stories...
Hello,
I am trying to find a way to recover and find peace and solitude for myself after my own accident. It happened on 9/15/13 when I crossing the street to meet a ride to work. It was a beautiful, early Sunday morning, and I couldn’t be more excited to go to work and for the start of the Raven’s season. I was crossing at an unmarked crosswalk at an intersection in suburban Anne Arundel County when I was almost across the last lane. I can remember out of my peripheral I saw the car stopped at the intersection inching forward then moving towards me, when I thought to myself I better pick up the pace. Literally after completing that thought, I saw a blur of color, felt my legs go out from underneath me, heard the loudest bang and crinkling sound and my world turn upside down. That moment of everything going upside down and wondering when I was going to hit the ground was by far the longest moment of the entire day. I can still hear my friend, waiting for me, screaming and remember the impact of my body meeting the pavement on my side after being struck by a car moving over 30mph. I remember trying to roll over or get up and was unable, completely unaware of whether or not I had hit my head, and couldn’t stop shaking. It was a quick decision to take me to shock trauma after I was exhibiting signs of shock. I never lost consciousness and luckily never hit my head, however, sometimes I feel like it would have been better not to remember. That’s when I start to feel guilty. I spent the day, again, lucky compared to most, in shock trauma where I was diagnosed with stable pelvic fractures and more pain than I’ve ever felt in my life. I was discharged to go home that night, only to find out the next day I also had a medial tibial plateau fracture with blood in my joint, a massive hematoma on the inside of my calf and a fractured ankle. I am only 7.5 weeks out from the accident and am recovering remarkably well. However, I am really struggling now with bouts of depression and definite post traumatic stress. I am not full weight bearing yet and am learning how to walk again, something exceptionally hard for a bartender who worked 6 nights a week. While this accident seems like nothing compared to many of you, it has drastically affected my life. I am startled exceptionally easily, convinced something bad is going to happen, and am easily angered. But more than anything, frustrated.. Frustrated that I’m stuck, and everyone else around me is going. I am struggling most with everyone wanting to talk about the accident. I know that they only ask because they care, but every time I talk about it I can hear it all again. I feel ungrateful, especially since everyone makes it a point to say you are so lucky. I like to say fortunate, if I were lucky, I wouldn’t have gotten hit by a car! I am thankful to have found this site as an outlet….I feel like my injury is nothing compared to what most on here have been through (I was able to recover at home and haven’t had surgery), but am still suffering from extreme physical and emotional pain, and feel as though no one can understand unless they’ve been thru something as traumatic. Thank you for allowing me to share my trauma, for listening, and providing me inspiration to be as strong as all of you!-Whitney
