Trauma Survivors Network - provided by ATS

scarface

3 weeks ago I was out riding my horse when she spooked and I came off, I was dragged 70m whilst remaining under her feet. I cracked a rib, punctured my lung, broke my nose, had major facial lacerations, broken teeth and some pretty amazing bruising. Once at hospital I had to have a pneumothorax to re-inflate my lung and was given a shed load of fluid to get my blood pressure up to something that was vaguely acceptable. Although I remained conscious throughout, I was in and out if lucidity.

People keep telling me I’m lucky to be alive – I don’t feel lucky, quite the opposite. I now have a scar that runs from just under my nose (off centre) down through my lip, part of my lip was severed from my face. I also have a 3 inch scar under my arm from the chest drain. This scar is partly on my breast and has altered the shape of my breast.

Nobody wants to know how i feel about the injuries, just how well im mending, and yes maybe I am on the outside but not on the inside.

My speech is affected – not great considering Im a teacher.

i feel so ugly and unattractive, i cant even smile. who is going to want me now?

i cant eat because of the injuries.

i just cry more and more, and now im getting angry too. i don’t know what to do

Reply: scarface

Posting and sharing your story here is a first step. Things will get better. It won’t be overnight and it will take hard work, but I promise things will get better.

My accident was in 2007 and my kids were injured, too. My left arm was badly burned and I have a 5-inch scar where they had to put in a metal plate on my forearm. I was very self conscious of my arm. We live in Virginia and the first summer after the accident I wore long sleeves despite the heat and humidity. A good friend told me I couldn’t wear long sleeves forever. I remember being so angry at her for saying that to me. Easy for her to say!

Well, she was right. I do wear short sleeves again. And I’m proud of my scars. They remind me how strong I was to survive the accident and put my family back together again.

My youngest son had severe facial lacerations — his lip had to be surgically reconstructed the night of the accident. And he had plastic surgery 10 months post-accident on his lip. He also had difficulty with his speech post-accident. He worked very hard with a speech therapist and his speech is normal again.

I know the last three weeks probably feel like they have been three years. You are still very early on in the healing process. I would imagine that your scars are still swollen and very red. Give your body time to heal and repair itself. Your scars will fade and flatten. Again, not overnight. But they will.

Find someone you can talk to about how you feel — beyond how you’re mending. You’re not alone.

Reply: scarface

Thank you for sharing your story, and taking the time to read mine.

I felt better for writing it down yesterday, but today has been quite hard.

I am a teacher so having problems with my speech is very difficult to begin to come to terms with. The children look at me warily, some will ask me about my scar and accident and some just accept – the joy of innocence!

I accept that I probably came back to work too early but I felt I needed to face people – and what better place than at a school!!

I have had other accidents where I have broken bones, but I have never damaged my face before or been in that life threatening situation, where you recognise your own mortality.

I hadn’t considered speech therapy, so thank you and your son for that inspiration.

I will keep sharing on here as at the moment its the only place/person that is interested in how I feel. I know logically and rationally everything will heal, but I know I also now look disfigured. I feel ashamed saying that because of all the children I have worked with and knowing what they (and many others) have overcome/learnt to live with.

I’m hanging in there, hoping each day is better.

Reply: scarface

Each day does get better. But, the reality is your recovery (emotional and physical) are going to give you days that feel impossible to get through. But you will. I remember someone in a support group that I attended referring to our recoveries as a marathon race. The actual race is long and hard and at times seems impossible, but eventually you will reach the finish line.

Also, for the scar on your lip something we learned after our son’s second surgery (we might have been told after the first but it was chaotic and don’t remember!) was to massage the scar with gentle pressure. For the scars on his face we would use our thumb and vitamin E and gently flatten the scar. For his lips we would use our thumb and index finger and gentle work on the scar from both sides.

What do you teach?

Reply: scarface

Hi Katy,

Thanks for the advice on the scars, my mum took the last couple of disolvable stitches out of my mouth tonight – they weren’t dissolving and were causing me extra pain and discomfort. Hopefully this will make massaging my scars easier .

I teach in a primary school, so teach all subjects. I love my job and it worries me that I won’t be as effective as I was.