The Scar I See Everyday
Hi my name is Nora Sugar I am 21 years old. The car accident I was in happened early in the morning on March 18th 2011. It is hard to imagine that it already has been three years. It was the night of St. Patrick’s day. I was a senior in high school. I had just gotten a new job and this was my first night that I got out fairly late around 9:45pm. I went to my friend’s house where some of my other friends were. We did not really have any plans for the night but once one of my friends heard about a party going on they were trying to convince me to go. I had school and work the next day so I was not too sure about the idea. I wish I had listened to my gut instinct.
We took my friend’s mom’s car, a two door Nissan Altima and picked up another one of our guy friends who was over 21 to buy us some four lokos. We dropped him back off and proceeded to the party. At the party I drank a good amount but that was it. My friend who had her mom’s car and was the one who drove was drinking heavily and snorting some drug in the bathroom. She was blacked out and could barley walk. We stayed at the party for a very long time. Once it reached around 4:30 in the morning. My friend (not the blacked out one) suggested we go back. Ironically, the same guy who bought us the alcohol, Taylor, showed up at this party and he suggested that we go back to his place. We all agreed. There was another guy with us at this point too. His name was Omar. I had not been around him throughout the whole party until this point in time. My friend who drove was in no state to drive. Either was I or my other friend. Omar took the keys refusing the notion of anyone else driving and said “I’m sober.” We thought nothing of it and waled out to the car and this is the last thing I remember.
Omar was speeding 75 mph down a 35mph street, went around a curve, lost control of the car, it flipped several times. Taylor, my friend Emma, and myself all were ejected from the small back window of this car. Omar and my friend who drove originally were left inside. Both of them were unharmed and able to get out of the car. Omar walked home. The friend walked the streets “looking for help.” Taylor was dead on impact after hitting the fence of a cemetery that the car crashed in to. My other friend and I lay unconscious. Luckily, a bus of elementary school students were heading out for a field trip and came across the scene and got us help.
I was rushed to emergency surgery. All of the skin from my right thigh had been displaced and surgeons were unable to reattach it. Luckily I did not loose my leg and my muscle and bone were not effected. I did loose some of the fascia off the top of my muscle.My stay in the hospital lasted two-weeks and was a wave of emotions. Emotions ranging from extreme shock, sadness, gratefulness, overwhelming warmth from those around me, denial, and the list goes on. Along with my leg injury I fractured the C2 in my spine and had a minimal crack in my pelvis. For my C2 I only had to wear a neckbrace for three months and for my leg I had four surgeries including a skin graft. My friend who was also injured in the accident had some broken bones but she was recovered and is doing okay. Unfortunately, Taylor is no longer with us.
I was left with an indented, red and bumpy scar the size of almost my entire thigh. It has been hard. It is hard seeing it everyday and being reminded of this tragic event and all the anger and resentment, in my mind, it represents. I know that it also represents strength and resilience but to this day it is so hard to see that when there are so many other negative emotions attached to it including low self-esteem that was already there to begin with. I hope that one day I will be able to wear shorts again but I do not see that in the near future.
When I said resentment I am talking about Omar. Omar was drunk and on drugs when he was driving. I found out later on after everything that he was snorting drugs in the same room as my other friend was. There was also a number of ectasy pills found in the car belonging to Omar. Omar walked home. I would of bled to death if no one had found us. I am forever grateful for those teachers who aided me. Omar was seen partying the night after the car accident. Omar never apologized to anyone for what he did. He showed no remorse. Omar was originally charged for second degree murder along with other crimes. At the conviction the charges for second degree murder were dropped because since Omar walked home the police did not find him until 5 hours later when there no longer was alcohol in his system. His blood tested positive for narcotics but they could not prove he was on them the night he was driving. Since Omar left us there to die he was not charged for second degree murder. Omar spent less than a year in jail.
I can’t say if Omar has been affected by the car accident at all but his actions do not reflect this. I no longer speak to either of my friends that were involved in the accident. There are many reasons for this. After the accident I was still able to graduate high school on time with help from my teachers and I went to college the following fall. I originally went to college at the University in my home town and then transferred to where I am now. It has been very hard. I feel as if no one will every truly understand what I have been through not even my parents.I constantly put on a happy demeanor for everyone. I honestly have no one I can talk to about this who I believe will understand what I am trying to express to them. I have found it very difficult to relate to others and to make friends. I have been dealing with depression as well. I am doing well academically and have been pushing myself to keep going with school and to become more independent but I feel just as physically and mentally drained as I have felt since after it happened. Having the scar on my leg has held me back so much it is crazy. I still cry at night about my frustrations with it and about what it represents. I am forever changed by the accident and I still get so angry that it had to happen and that it had to result this way. I hope so much that I will be able to figure out who I am and progress in life without this numbness. I also have mild PTSD. I am thankful to my body for shutting out what had happened so I am lucky to not have nightmares but I am still very tense while in the passenger seat as someone is driving at nighttime or any time. I am looking forward to connecting with others who have been through similar traumas. I feel that only another trauma survivor will understand the pain and challenges we all go through.
