Trauma Survivors Network - provided by ATS

Struggling to Move Forward

by Tori777 on Jan 02, 2016, 06:48AM

My accident occured in September last year. I fell from a truck and suffered a compound fracture of my left ankle. I had a broken fibula and shattered tibia. So far I have had 5 operations and spent weeks in and out of hospital. My recovery has been slow because of the type of fracture. A compound or open fracture is when the bone breaks through the skin, so there is a huge risk of infection.

Currently I am at home, but even after all this time I still cannot put any weight on my leg and need to keep it elevated most of the day. I use crutches, a walking frame or a wheelchair to get around. My house is full of adaptive equipment. I need to take long term antibiotics to ward off infection.

What am I struggling with? Where do I start?! It feels almost like a loss of identity. I’m a pre school teacher, but havent been able to work since the accident. I’m a single mum of two teenagers, who now have to act as carers. I suffer a lot of guilt about this. I get frustrated because I can’t do things for myself. The pain from the surgeries and the injury is constant, the antibiotics make me feel sick. Depression and anxiety have rested their ugly heads. I’m beginning to forget what life was like BTA – Before The Accident. It is hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Last time I tried to do more things at home I ended up back in hospital. Financially things are pretty tough.

It has been hard to find support that deals with injury and hospitalization recovery. I’m glad I have found this network. I’m interested to know how others cope or have been through similar injuries.

Reply: Struggling to Move Forward

by KatyHollis on Jan 07, 2016, 04:14PM

Hi Tori,

Thank you for sharing your story.

I was in an accident in 2007. I also had a compound fracture (forearm) and had multiple surgeries. For awhile it seemed as though I would heal and then it would be time for another surgery. And it seemed like I was starting over again.

I also struggled with loss of identity. I stayed home with my kids full time before my accident. After the accident my parents moved in with us because I was struggling. It was hard on me emotionally not being able to take care of my children the way I used to before our accident.

I also struggled with depression. It is exhausting to be in that kind of emotional pain. Please don’t give up trying to find support that you need. I was able to connect with a Licensed Clinical Social Worker who changed my life. I’m not the same person that I was before my accident. But through therapy I am truly happy with my “new normal”. I also found a great sense of community through support groups. Are there any support groups offered through your hospital?

Reply: Struggling to Move Forward

by cmcginnes12 on Jan 07, 2016, 11:26PM

Hi Tori. Your message really resonated with me. Five years ago, after a year of losses and severe anxiety and depression, I shot myself in the head. I’ve had 45 surgeries so far and several more to go. It seems endless. My life is so different now. I need a lot of sleep and can’t do many of the things I used to enjoy. I’ve learned to live with this “new normal” with the help of other trauma survivors. I visit trauma patients at the hospital and find that the connection we have is very healing. I also have a very good psychiatrist and therapist. I write in a journal every day, and I write my family every day. All of these activities help me feel connected and that I’m making progress. When I’m done with my surgeries, I’m going back to school to become a nurse. That may be an unrealistic goal, but the thought of helping others makes me happy. You may find some way of using your experience to help others. I really understand how you feel about how long it is taking to recover. Recently, I’ve developed a fear of uneven walking surfaces, and have fallen a few times. I’m taking an anti-anxiety medication (Adivan) to cope. Medication might help you also. I wish you all the best. Please feel free to write back and ask ANY questions you might have. I’m here for you. Christen

Reply: Struggling to Move Forward

by bmunsky on Jan 13, 2016, 08:54PM

Hi Tori,

Thanks for sharing your story. Everyone on this website and that is a trauma survivor can relate to your story. You, me, and every other trauma survivor has their story and all the pieces of their story that shape who they are being. One way of being that helped me get through over 100 operations and many life threatening injuries from a motor vehicle accident is understanding that all that stuff that happened is just a story. It doesn’t define who I am or what I can be. The last 8 years of my life have been spent taking 2 steps forward and one giant step back. Up until about 2 years ago most of my days were spent hiding my true feelings, being inauthentic, and living in the past. I think it’s normal for us to feel like a burden, helpless, and all those other negative emotions that follow a trauma. Nothing is wrong with feeling that way. That’s what humans do when something bad happens. Just don’t stay in that negative space. Early when I mentioned " your story " I was referring to something that happened in your life, falling off a truck, and what you made that mean. For example, my story is that I was involved in a serious motor vehicle accident that transformed me into someone who will always be dependent on others for my basic everyday needs, is a burden, is useless, and other descriptions of myself that are negative. There’s no doubt that something really happened. Everyone’s story is true. All those things I, you, and other trauma survivors make their story mean are not true. I had to dig deep inside myself to get that I made my story mean I will never be able to walk again, my body won’t heal, my injuries/sickness was going to kill me, plus all those other things I told mysf I’d never be or do again because of what happened to me. 2 years ago I found out how powerful my mind is in relation to healing my body. I believe as humans we create what we think. For the first 7 years after my accident I was being inauthentic when someone asked me, " how are you doing." I would reply with a answer that made it seem like I was tough and had everything under control. My response would often be that i was used to having operations or other responses that made it seem like everything was OK. My true self came out at night when i would cry myself to sleep. When i got how i was being and stopped putting up a shield and let people know how i really felt it lifted a burden or " wieght "of my shoulders. Carrying that stuff around wieghs you down and destroys your body. Once i was able to tell others how i really felt instead of how i wanted them to see me, my body started healing. I mention this to point out how keeping my feelings hidden and not sharing with others, authentically, affected my body by not allowing my injuries, infections, or whatever illness i was battling at the time not to heal or get worse. This is a good example of the mind over body aspect of healing. I spent a lot of time educating myself and taking classes on ways to train your brain in order to heal your body or create possibilities. You seem to be on the right path by sharing on this site. From personal experience and a long journey, I can tell you a trauma can be a opportunity or a misfortune. Which path is chosen is up to the Survivor. Thanks for letting me share with you. If you’re interested my story is also on the Trauma Survivors Network website. Anythings possible for you in your journey.