Trauma Survivors Network - provided by ATS

one year post accident

I had my car accident on Friday December 19th at 8:00 a.m. I was on my way to work, the weather was poor, it was snowing, roads were icy and slushy. I was driving with caution when a mini van veered into my lane. I hit the van square between the passenger side front and back wheels. It all happened in a second. All I could do was say “oh no”….and that was it. I do not remember hearing the crash, didn’t feel or hear the airbags go off, and didn’t see anything. I then came to and I couldn’t breath…thought I was dying but only had the wind knocked out of me. Before I knew it many people had gathered and police and paramedics were on scene within about 10 minutes. (I knew everyone who attended as I worked at the medical clinic in town and so knew all the firefighters and paramedics…it made it really strange actually!). I sustained a broken clavicle, broken L1 and also a compression fracture on the L1, concussion, extensive bruising, broken rib and contusions to my knees. I ended up having to lay on my back flat in hospital for 4 days until a brace could be made and placed (which was the worst thing ever! I had to wear it for 3 months! It was pure hell). The driver of the other vehicle was an 83 year old man who had recently had his license revoked because he couldn’t pass the vision test!!!! And no insurance and had summer tires on his van! It was a decision he would sadly regret as he did not survive. I have gone through months of PT, surgery to fix the clavicle, then surgery to remove hardware. I tried going back to work, but had a very hard time concentrating and learning, which I assume is from the concussion. Now I am waiting for neuropsych testing. The concussion has been the thing that has had the longest lasting effects. My memory isn’t the best. My back aches every single day…although I can tolerate it well. When I reflect on the accident, I can’t believe I wasn’t hurt more..so I do feel very grateful and blessed..it could have been so much worse. I just feel like my life is on hold a bit. It’s hard to talk to anyone about it as they just don’t get it and I look so “normal” on the outside. I don’t like to bother others with my problems so I keep a lot in. I am dealing with insurance too. I suspect it will be months and months yet before that is settled. If there is anyone on here that is from BC Canada, like me, I’d love to hear how your dealings with ICBC went. I am happy to have found this support site. Compared to some of the stories on here…I feel like mine wasn’t so bad after all. But a year later…I find I am thinking about it more now than a few months ago…although that could be because it’s now winter again. I am frightened to drive now too. Summer was fine, but now that the snow and slush are common place on our highways, I would rather not go anywhere…either as the driver or the passenger. But will force myself as I don’t want to be a recluse! Thanks for reading my story. I hope to connect with some of you on here. Take care!!

Reply: one year post accident

Hi Char,

Thank you for sharing your story. Don’t compare your story to the other stories. Your accident and your recovery is all you and you shouldn’t minimize your experience.

I was in an accident in 2007 and suffered a Traumatic Brain Injury. Once my physical wounds healed I also struggled with looking normal. It was hard because friends and family looked at me and expected me to be the same person that I was before my accident.

I’m sorry that you are struggling with driving now that it is winter. Have you thought about finding a therapist to help you? I found it extremely helpful to talk with a Licensed Clinical Social Worker after my accident. She helped me process my accident and also my “new normal”. I also found support groups to be really helpful. I was so lonely after the accident and the support groups helped connect me with other survivors who knew what I was struggling with.

Reply: one year post accident

Hi Char. Your message really resonated with me. Five years ago, after a year of losses and severe anxiety and depression, I shot myself in the head. I’ve had 45 surgeries so far and several more to go. It seems endless. My life is so different now. I need a lot of sleep and can’t do many of the things I used to enjoy. I’ve learned to live with this “new normal” with the help of other trauma survivors. I visit trauma patients at the hospital and find that the connection we have is very healing. I also have a very good psychiatrist and therapist. I write in a journal every day, and I write my family every day. All of these activities help me feel connected and that I’m making progress. When I’m done with my surgeries, I’m going back to school to become a nurse. That may be an unrealistic goal, but the thought of helping others makes me happy. You may find some way of using your experience to help others. I really understand how you feel about how long it is taking to recover. Recently, I’ve developed a fear of uneven walking surfaces, and have fallen a few times. I’m taking an anti-anxiety medication (Adivan) to cope. Medication might help you also. I wish you all the best. Please feel free to write back and ask ANY questions you might have. I’m here for you. Christen

Reply: one year post accident

Char I understand when you write about difficulties concentrating and learning. I suffered a severely broken ankle from a fall and have had several weeks in hospital, many surgeries and many complications. I didn’t have a concussion at all, but struggle to concentrate to even read a book or do a word puzzle. I think I took a long time to recover from the affects of the anesthetic, and the emotional drain that physical pain and loss of mobility causes. It is slowly getting better though.

I have been told by many people not to minimise my experience. I feel like you, that what I’ve been through is nothing compared to others. But this is my story, and it hasn’t been easy, and I need to own that. As you should too. I would also suggest getting some counselling. I am just beginning this process to help me deal with this whole experience.
Tori

Reply: one year post accident

Hi Char,

Thanks for sharing your story. There is nothing wrong with how you are feeling. No matter the type of injury(s) or trauma one has, since we are all humans we have similiar physical and mental pains. Some pain is more or less severe then others, but the excruciating sensations are similiar. Just from being a peer visitor and trauma survivor it seems like the mental part of trauma is the one that we struggle with. You may know what I’m talking about. That little voice in your had asking all these How and Why questions. Like, Why did this happen, How, I’m I ever going to …….? Plus, a bunch of other questions that you can’t answer or can’t change. My accident happened in 2006. I had many of the injuries you had, as well as a severe traumatic brain injury and a bunch of other injuries. If your interested my stories on the Trauma Survivors website. I’d like to leave you with one suggestion I give to all trauma Survivors I see at the hospital. This is a way of being that can help anyone live a more peaceful life, allowed me to accept the “new me”, and one of the things that helped me save my life. When I was able to live life in the present and only focus on whatever I was doing right now I started to become the person I am today. To live in the present I had to let go off the past and not dwell on those things that already happened. I have no control over and can not change what happened a second ago or years ago. The other part of being able to live in the present requires one to not dwell on the future, Again, something we have no control over. I’m not saying you can’t think about the past or future. We’re human so your mind will go there. Just don’t spend your day or life thinking about them. Thanks for letting me share with you. I wish the best for you.

Reply: one year post accident

Hi there. I just read your last reply to me … not sure how I missed it but nonetheless I am seeing it now :) Since I wrote my story, I have been in therapy and cannot believe how much it is helping. Reading your last few sentences on your last post, I teared up because that is exactly what I was doing…and I am now learning to live in the present…not the past or the future. I am looking forward to the future but not putting unreal expectations on myself….I have a really good therapist who is showing me how to deal with the effects my trauma had on my body and mind. It’s astounding how our bodies react to acute trauma. I can’t wait to keep learning and of course sharing too…I have been pretty blessed in the support system I have in my husband and family and friends…but being able to talk to others who have gone thru a serious trauma certainly helps a great deal. I hope this finds you well!!

Reply: one year post accident

Thanks for posting an update! So, nice to hear that you getting help with a therapist and that you are living in the present! Keep up the hard work.

Katy