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I Feel Ignored

#1
I Feel Ignored
by TaborJess on Jan 22, 2016, 07:50AM

On May 22, 2014 I died. Not immediately, of course not. I got to feel every moment of searing pain, the screams, the sound of crunching metal, the sensation of my car being cut away from me, getting to feel the blood drip down my face and not able to do anything while a sixteen year old kid screamed in my face accusing me of running a red light that I never ran. I was 20 years old and just got done registering for college courses and was on my way to my fiance. It was the first sunny day of the year. before I left the college parking lot, I rolled down my window, shut off my phone, and picked my radio station. I reach the green light, slow down from 35 to make sure it was clear for me to continue without stopping. I didn’t even see him coming but others did. All of a sudden I hear a group of car horns blaring. I look over and all I see is headlights before I’m flung sideways. The next thing I remember is feeling my car rocking forward, a kid screaming in my face, and people stopped in the road videotaping the accident. I remember the men who stopped to not only get the kid away from me but keep me alive. The police arrive as well as the paramedics. They had to bring in firemen to cut my door off to get me out. Once they get me on the stretcher, everything goes black. I spent a month in ICU and six months in a rehabilitation clinic relearning to walk. I had eleven broken bones, I have TMJ, I’m blind and deaf on my left side, I only have one working lung, partial functionality of my left arm, two herniated spinal discs, osteoarthritis in several parts of my body, PTSD, and even my disabled military husband doesn’t even seem to care when I can’t get out of bed due to pain and depression. I’m being denied financial aid for school because I fell down stairs in the middle of a semester and ended up in the hospital resulting in failed classes.

TaborJess

Posts: 1
Joined 01/22/2016

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#2
Reply: I Feel Ignored
by bmunsky on Feb 05, 2016, 11:24PM

Sorry that you’re feeling ignored. When I was battling through my recovery and trying to accept the " new me " I felt like screaming so someone would hear me. The Trauma Survivors Network(TSN) is here to listen to trauma survivors, like you. The support I got from the TSN helped me to get to where I am today. I would recommend attending your local TSN. If there is one at your hospital’s Trauma Center. If you don’t have a local TSN thier might be similiar types of support groups in your area were you could be heard by others that can relate to what you’re going through. For the last 7 years I’ve had over 100 operations and fought the grim reaper to many times. Talking about what’s on my mind, instead of hiding my thoughts, and expressing my true feelings helped me to accept the " new me." Hopefully you have someone you can talk to at home. I see you said your husband doesn’t care. You get a chance to see who will be there for you or won’t when you become a trauma survivor. I wouldn’t be alive if it wasn’t for my wife. She’s been my nurse, my physical therapist, my support, and everything else that helped me to get to be who I am today. Don’t get me wrong, things got bad often. One thing I realized to late, 5 years, into my recovery is that those close to a trauma survivor, like family members and friends, are also going through a trauma. It seems like your husband has gone through 2 traumas. The one that left him with a disability and your trauma. Another important tool I finally realized, 7 years, after my accident is that I was creating a lot of the disruption around me. Not everyone else. I’m not blaming you or me for what happened as a result of our trauma.
I’m saying when I became a open book and shared what was on my mind it allowed me to understand more about myself. This lead me to bring able to accept the new me. Out of doing this i saved my life. Up until that point I had been battling every type of e-coli and staph infection in my abdomen and organs. During this time i had 17 operations in 3 years to remove infected mesh, sutures, staples, and other medical material used to repair my torn organs and abdomine. For those 3 years I wore a IV pic line to take several doses of antibiotics daily and wore a wound vac over my abdomen to try and close my abdominal wound from surgery. During those 3 years I’d have a operation to cut open my abdomen to remove any visible mesh, sutures, staples, and other office supplies. My abdomen always had to remain open with my intestines visible. A wound vac was used to try and close the wound. It wouldn’t close. The infection wouldn’t let it. At least that’s what I thought then. Now, I know my mind kept it from healing. 16 times in 3 years I woulg get operated on to remove the infected material from my abdomen. Then I had to wear a wound vac and taking IV antibiotics to close my surgical wound. I did this same routine 16 times in 3 years always resulting in my wound not healing all the way due to infected material still inside me Talk abouf ups and downs. During this time some of my intestine had to be removed, I wore a “poop bag” or colostomy bag for awhile, which i was told would be permanent. All this going on physically was making me suicidal. The mental part of thinking I was getting better then ending up back in the hospital, because my infections weren’t allowing my abdomen to heal, was worse. Finally after the 17th surgery to remove infected office supplies from my abdominal area my infections were gone and my abdomen healed. This was because I let people listen to who I was being and really took a look at myself. Not everyone else around me. I found that when I took responsibility for myself and who I was being my outlook on life went from hopeless to hopeful. People around me and my circumstances got better by changing who I was being. The mind is powerful. We create what we think. When i dwelled on my past I brought it into my future. For example since i thought i wouldn’t get better and i was going to die my brain wasnt sending the neurons, creating synapses, and doing all those other things that help your body heal. I know the impossible is possible and things that seem hopeless can be become a possibility with a little bit of hope. Thanks for sharing.. I wish the best for you and those around you.

bmunsky

Posts: 22
Joined 07/23/2008

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#3
Reply: I Feel Ignored
by ldjohnson58 on Feb 10, 2016, 01:46PM

It is easy to fall into a depressed state when not feeling supported and we have all from time to time likely been there. I found a few things that have helped me include making sure I am well rested/getting adequate sleep, being around people who are highly supportive, and checking in with my therapist when things feel like they are spiraling down, and reaching out and helping others who are in worse situations than me. The therapist is especially helpful because I feel like friends can only provide so much support as they really can’t grasp some of the difficulties in navigating the post trauma experience. Hope you can find something in there that will get you through this bump in the road.

ldjohnson58

Posts: 2
Joined 12/16/2015

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