Accident 9.15.2016 - life changer
Hi, I have NO idea where to begin. I joined this site 11/16 – but the process of what I have gone through and still go through has eaton all my energy. It took me forever to even get up the nerve to post here as so many of you have gone through unspeakable horrors. Mine seems minimal in comparison, yet before the accident – I was already disabled with fibromyalgia, graves disease, PTSD from childhood forward (severe abuse), and that is enough for now. I had gone on the best vacation of my life with two friends of mine from – England! They flew into the US, and we drove up north in Michigan where I live – spent about 10 days and had the best time you can imagine. On the way to drop me at the airport in Traverse City – we were laughing and talking, when suddenly D said “Krikey!” and began swerving and braking. (in England Krikey is a strong swear word)…… I was in the passenger seat, his wife in the back. It is just like they say – everything slowed down and each part of those 1/1000th of a seconds was crystal clear as the accident happened. When she hit – the chic who blew through a stop sign at what seemed about 50-70 mph; it was like an explosion in my head. BLAM! Almost a T-bone, thank god not or D would have been dead. We all had on our seat belts, no air bags deployed. D crawled out the back and exited, his wife, L – got out too. Oddly as I a long time ago was a licensed advance life saver, did not move. Our chests hurt right away. I was going into shock, L, his wife later we found out had broken her sternum. I could not shout to her to be still, D. ended up with almost no injury or repercussions. All I know is my chest and neck hurt so badly and I was sick to my stomach and was about to lose it both ends, when the EMT’s arrived. I felt like I had been thrown toward the passenger door, then folded in half then pitched back HARD. I tried to do my own assessment, welcome to the definition of stubborn! I couldn’t at all. I simply held as still as I could and asked the EMT’s " please get my purse, reach in and get out the small bottle – “Rescue Remedy” – your only supposed to take a squirt or two at best, I practically emptied the whole bottle into my mouth. (it is a homeopathic remedy for trauma) well here is the jaw dropper, it pulled me out of shock! I mean in less than 20 seconds. The rescuers could not believe it – as I went from about to lose it from both ends and total disorientation to – joking, which is what I do when I know its very very bad. That was the good part of this whole disaster. We all ended up at Munson Hospital in Traverse City, and hours about 10 – 12 hours later after X-rays, mri, and a cat scan, they finally said – no surgery on my neck. But one thing they don’t tell you is about post-concussive syndrome – which later on my doctor and I discerned through my symptoms post accident. We were hit so hard that even though you don’t lose consciousness, your brain can hit the side of your skull and you get the same symptoms as when you hit your head in a car crash. I ended up staying in Traverse City on the Hospital campus at a hotel designed for people like me, for 4 days after to get up enough recovery to fly home to the Detroit area where I live. WOW. I was utterly numb – I am blessed to have a brilliant Osteopath who works with me on brain issues, and a chiropractor who also helps with a lot of the body and central nervous system trauma. It has been hell. PURE HELL. I can tell you it is only recently – when I am driving all of a sudden I can hear that crash sound all over again, turning a corner while driving. I hate hate hate tail gaiters – and even though this crazy chic plowed through a stop sign and she was hurt worse than us I guess……….. I hate her. I live alone, so had to drive, but it took weeks and weeks before I got up the nerve to drive again. I hope and pray no one judges me as I guess in the scheme of things – this was minor, BUT – I already had adrenal insufficiency, and this accident totally wiped any adrenal energy out. I am very emotional, and if the wind shifts – my feelings get hurt. I had no one to call to say – help! I now suffer from severe adrenal insufficiency and have chronic neck issues. I feel like it was back to crawling and I am (metaphorically speaking) almost walking. I feel like this was one in a series of horrors that occurred over the span of my life. It stopped me in my tracks, exacerbated every other that was going on, and all the work I did – swimming – walking – yoga – to stay strong and deal with all over physical pain – got pitched out the window, as I could barely move for a long time. It took months for the internal bruising to subside – as in the pain I felt in my chest. I am coming up on my one year anniversary and the last year has been a blur. I can’t remember the progression of pain and resolution of some of the issues. The others popped up. I am sad, feel lost and frustrated – and yell at other drivers when I drive. I’ll pull over to let tail gaiters pass, or into the middle lane. I lost both parents my mom 5 years ago, my dad 3 years ago. One minute your OK, the next you learn how fragile and remarkable life is and how quickly you can go from manageable to helpless. I need support and I too feel all alone. I just don’t know what else to say. I only hope that someone will understand, although I didn’t break anything, I am still not healed, and deal with weak muscles and exhaustion. And driving………… awful. Kind words would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for taking the time to read this. Now it is August 28, 2017 I was in another accident in April of this year. It set me back very badly. I got a QEEG, which confirmed “mild” brain trauma. I had this done under the supervision of a neropsychologist. The results came back with a brain map and suggested treatment. It is for neurofeedback, – 2 years once a week. I have never been so scared. Until I find feedback on this, and really become totally comfortable with the concept – I am not going to try it. I do know that I am dealing with the top players in this field. My personal background is a patient, medical, trauma and consumer advocate. I know how to reasearch. I just can’t find enough information to put my mind at ease. Nor, for that matter – for me to make a definitive yes. I am just not there yet. The second accident – was like a jolt of electric energy racing through my body. Right at that moment I knew I had hit bottom. I was horrified. The doctor who had helped me so much – left the practice, promising to see me at her new location – then tossed me out. Refused to see me, and I was crushed. I found this out before the second accident. No referrals, no personal phone call nothing. I am seeking a therapist who specializes in PTSD. Also somatic therapy and maybe – EMDR. Brain trauma is brain trauma. Period. I want to know if anyone has gone through neurofeedback, and what their experience is/was and the impact is is having on their TBI. I am still on my path of research and information getting. I am also creating a logical progression of questions – etc…. for the next time I see this neuropsychologist. I was doing SO well… now I get pressure headaches, my emotional processing has changed, and I often feel despair. Even the hunt for a good therapist has been astoundingly difficult. I interview them, I want to see their paperwork, and as I pay them, they need to be able to provide the support I want and need. Thanks for having another look…. man this is so hard.
