It is what you make it
These were the only words I could bring back from my visit to the most incredible journey of my life. I was in a car accident in 1988, pregnant with my daughter and headed in to my women’s clothing store. The new seat belt law was just implemented and we were in my new 1986 Volvo station wagon. It was a foggy morning and I was telling my husband that I had to review the lease for our new store. We were opening 2 and interviewing regional managers.
I planned to own a chain of stores, have a manager and a nanny to help with my daughter. I was 22 and bypassed college to go into business for myself. I married at the age of 19, just before losing my mother to cancer.
My husband drove us that morning. A truck with a snowplow ran into my side door head on 60mphb as we crossed crossed a major intersection. I don’t remember anything u til I woke up a week later at MCV in Richmond.
My life changed at that moment. The crash left me with a subdural hematoma on the right side of my brain, knocked my front teeth out, broke my nose, punctured and collapsed my lung, crushed my larynx, broke several ribs and my collar bone. I bit through my lip and bled a little. I was given a tracheotomy at the scene and my teeth were collected.
I was taken 2 hospitals with little chance of survival for me and my unborn baby. The trauma team at MCV was successful in replacing my teeth and keeping us both alive – without any pain medication. A 1 time dose of Tylenol 3 was the only medication my husband would allow, knowing my position on anything passing through to the baby.
During this time I had the most incredible out of body experience and did not want to return. I saw something too complex for words, except the only words I could bring back – “it is what you make it”
It took many years to process my experience. My daughter is 28 now and is a mother herself. I lost many memories of her early years while in the early stages of recovery. I was in physical therapy and had to see a chiropractor to walk. Despite this, I returned to work and began driving within 3-4 weeks. My doctors were not happy, but my husband had no tolerance for my condition and forced me back to my routine.
I experienced one of the hardest times in my life with my head stuffed full of cotton, a business to run, pregnant and a non supportive husband.
When my daughter was 6 months we closed our women’s clothing store, moved into my family home and began traveling all over the U.S. My doctors were very upset but it was exactly what I needed, as it offered a reprieve for me.
Shortly after my step father passed, as well. My husband and I ended up moving to Bedford County, where we separated, then divorced. He would not allow me to return to school. It was easy for him to talk me out of since I was so nervous anyway. I was accepted to Va. Tech’s forestry department, but would have to drive 45 minutes to get there and would require him to help with our daughter – now 2 yrs.
I read “The Road Less Traveled” by Scott Peck and realized I had to challenge myself and continue on my life path. I couldn’t let anyone stop me. It was the message my mother sent me before she passed. I just never took the time to read it until now. She highlighted these points and mailed the book to me. It sat on the bookshelf until this time.
I moved my daughter and I back to Richmond and enrolled at VCU, where I earned a bachelor of science in general science, specializing in environmental science. It was a difficult feat that required diligence, willpower and tenacity. I was a single mom and only got $65/month child support. I had no support system and found myself in a difficult all math and sciences classes full time, a young child, worked 30-40 hrs/week. I drove 100 miles most days.
I applied and was accepted to get my masters degree at Va Tech in urban planning upon completing my bachelors degree. I excelled at this and specialized in international development. My professor and the former dean of architecture, urged me to continue to earn my phd.
Because of the expense of college I couldn’t continue at that time.
I did go on to become a senior environmental
Planner for the state of va, which required me to work with and make many presentations to government officials.
I was active and involved in many organizations and have several left my profession to become a realtor a couple years after my 2nd child was born. I married the same man again and ended up being a single mom again. as I did with my daughter.
My education and professional experiences were extremely difficult with the lingering effects of the head trauma, though I learned to manage them and kept it quiet. My brain injury to the word finding and organization center made learning a challenge. I have trouble remembering names and words. I get confused, as well.
I managed this condition for 29 years now. Most people that know me would be surprised to hear about my accident, near death experience and lifelong challenges as a result.
I can finally explain the past 30 years, but it took a while. The challenges I faced as a result and every success to date are testimony the human spirit can survive anything it aspires to.
