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Motorcycle down

#1
Motorcycle down
by Motodown on Jul 24, 2018, 02:28AM

On April 19th I made an near fatal error. Back home in Georgia, I borrowed my uncles motorcycle. Currently I am stationed in California where motorcycle riding is a common thing, but it Georgia it’s got some riders but not very many. But I was coming out onto a highway to make a left hand turn and didn’t see the car coming my way at around 65 mph. He never saw me. I never saw him. I hit his passenger fender at 20 mph which knocked me out on impact. Being knocked out caused my left leg to slip by the floorboard and was crushed in between the floorboard and the car. When the bike released me I was thrown over the car breaking my femur and I landed in the median. When I came to I felt fine but I couldn’t feel my left leg. Three open fractures tibia fibula and femur. After being told I was gonna lose my leg by every doctor I saw yet by some miracle they saved it. I made huge progress the first few months but now I’ve started to slow down almost regress. Honestly there’s times I wish they hadn’t saved the leg. Then maybe I wouldn’t be in this pain. Some physical. All mental. I feel weak. Powerless worthless. Like I’m less of a man. I keep going back to that day. What if I did this? What If I did that? What if…what if they had taken the leg. Would my wife look at me less. What would happen with my job. Would I be happier or would I have eaten a bullet. I’m going down a hole and I feel like no matter how much I explain it nobody truly understands. Maybe some of you do.

Motodown

Posts: 2
Joined 07/24/2018

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#2
Reply: Motorcycle down
by cycled5 on Jul 25, 2018, 02:17PM

I understand for sure. I was out bicycling and got hit by a car driven by a school teacher that specialized in vision. He was going about 60 mph when he hit me it threw me onto the windshield the I was thrown like a rag doll end over end landing in the middle of the street. I broke, my leg, ankle, back, left first rib with a torn rota tor cuff, sprained my other ankle, and had a closed TBI with brain bleed and multiple contusions. I am 40 yrs old but look like I am in my late 20’s. so they look at me and think there is nothing wrong with me. If I speak about it to me it just sounds crazy coming out of my mouth about my cognitive defects. I have no short term memory, PTSD, and have a severe anger issue. I often feel less of a person than I was. I use to be really smart and have Aspergers. now I can’t even count change back to people. Doctors say it just takes time for your brain to heal. I’m on year 4 now and feel like I’m at the end of healing like I plateaued. I have to live with my mom and she is my main support system. However I just feel like a burden. I do my best to stay active and do what I can. It is horrible feeling this way. I have my ups and downs with a ton of frustration. jobs that use to take me an hour or two I now spend days doing it. I feel like I lost myself. Adjusting to the new you is difficult. Currently I am unable to work and often get confused. I get dizzy and brain fatigued. I do not remember my accident or 2 years after. while some things have gotten better but I think it is just the medicine they give me that calms me down so I don’t assault anyone. It is like a roller coaster about to go off a cliff that you never wanted to be on. The guy that hit me did not have the insurance to cover and of my medical cost or lost wages. I owe the hospital like 250,000 and now in debt. I am still physically weak and can not do some of the things I use to do. which does not help your frame of mind. It is a slow hard recovery. Just try to stay positive, I know it is harder than saying it but just try to put your best foot forward. self talk helps. remember it was your accident and not you. You will get through this. also, celebrate the good things you do no matter how small. Regular people will not understand. just stay strong and you are not alone.

cycled5

Posts: 3
Joined 03/30/2018

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#3
Reply: Motorcycle down
by Motodown on Jul 25, 2018, 04:58PM

I can’t begin to image the struggles you are going through. Even though I hit my head pretty hard but I walked away mostly good. While i didn’t have the trauma you experienced, I understand the PTSD and the anger. I denied it. I told myself that I was good. That I was stronger than the darkness. I put on this facade of strength and badassery but I was hurting. I was finding myself seeing red. Getting absolutely furious for small things. Waking up with cold sweats calling to anyone and no one being able to hear me. The psychological told me I had PTSD and it’s been hard to come to terms with because I feel i didn’t have a bad enough trauma. It made me feel even weaker hearing that because I’ve always prided myself on being mentally tough in any situation… I have to be in my line of work. I’ve slowly started to accept the constant screaming replaying in my head, The voices telling me I’m not strong enough. I feel like I should be doing more than I’m actually able to and that’s the hardest voice to ignore. Sometimes my greatest nay sayer is myself. Stay strong brother. I know it sounds cliche but you are your greatest ally even if it feels like your body has betrayed you. Now I just have to take my own advice

Motodown

Posts: 2
Joined 07/24/2018

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#4
Reply: Motorcycle down
by Courtbrown96 on Aug 15, 2018, 05:04PM

I understand what you’re going through. I almost lost my right leg at the hip but the doctors were able to save it. My body got hit by a car at around 65 mph as I was trying to get back into my car. My accident was on November 11th, 2016 and I’m still recovering. I have had ten surgeries if not more mostly because I had a bad infection a month after my wreck. Sometimes I have wondered if my surgeons saving my leg was worth it because I have been in some pain. I literally tore everything in my right knee and my foot has become defective because my nerve in my right knee was severed. I also broke my C2, T & L in my spine, my left shin, right hip, two fingers, and my hip. I never saw the car and my sister who seen me get hit said I was alert the whole time and I tried to walk on a leg that was barely attached sorry I know that was graphic. I wonder every day what it would be like if they didn’t save my leg or if I would’ve stayed in my car. I got out because my car overheated. Sometimes I wonder how I got so lucky especially with how high I broke my neck. I don’t remember my accident at all so my family had to tell me.

Courtbrown96

Posts: 56
Joined 11/05/2017

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